Today is an ordinary day. No special mood, no special practice. No special events. Awareness of aversion towards the average, the banal. It comes from my lack of hope. If something special happens, then that gives one hope that a "special" experience, whatever that may be, will bring joy and happiness. Samsara continued. More joy! More happiness! These all stem from the discontentment with here and now. What i fail to receive from the here and now, I hope to get in the future. But a totally ordinary day is a day of death for the ego - nothing there to hope for. I am forced to stay here, for there is nothing to take me out of here for now. My ego is in despair, although most people would call it boredom. Perhaps there is no better moment for meditation than an ordinary day, because there is forceful silence. The ego does not wish it, yet it is there. Ordinary is the name of the present. And being there, in the absence of anything special to take me away from the here and now, the ego with its conflicts is beautifully exposed. There is delight in this pain, part of me feeling the pain of the ego, part of me being the observer of its torment. Strange bitter-sweetness! I sit and watch the show inside...
